Dating with Purpose & Purity

March 14, 2007

The following was posted today on my wife’s blog titus2talk. If you’ve spoken before on the subject, I’d be interested to know about any resources you’ve found helpful…

Tonight my husband and I are giving a talk to our youth group at church. They have asked us to speak on dating. I don’t have time to go into all that we will touch on, except to say that the more we read on this issue, two things are continually brought home to us: Dating with purpose and dating with purity.

I simply therefore want to highlight a few resources that we have found helpful in our reading. For those of you who are contemplating dating, or are already involved in such a relationship, take time to read the short articles on this subject from Boundless, and for a more in depth read, both books by Joshua Harris are recommended.

Biblical Dating: An Introduction
Biblical Dating: Are You Ready to Date?
What Does a Biblical Relationship Look Like?
Biblical Dating: To Kiss or not to Kiss?
Does God Bring People Together?
Stop Test-Driving Your Girlfriend
Brother, You’re Like a Six!

“I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris
“Boy Meets Girl” By Joshua Harris


  1. It may not be the best thing for youth to read themselves, but Elizabeth Elliot’s Passion and Purity may be a good one for the two of you to read and draw some principles from.

  2. Thanks Tim. We have that book, and I think I’ve browsed some of it before. I’ll take a look…
    EE remains a godly women whom many younger females can aspire to and learn from.

  3. Allow me to suggest some counsel that is perfectly suited to the issue. I suggest that the cause of so much failure in this area is not due to the complexity of the issue, but due to the popularity of rejecting the word of God.

    When Jesus came to Jerusalem at the preparation for the feast he declared, “The hour is come, that the Son of man should be glorified. Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit. He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal. If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will [my] Father honour.”

    The purpose of the gospel which Jesus preached is not the pleasure and happiness of man — no, not in this world neither in the world to come. There are many that preach that the purpose of Christ’s suffering was merely for the enhancement of our after-life. Yes, through faith in Christ sinners can escape the wrath to come, but our escape from condemnation is not the end of or the purpose of the Lord’s salvation.

    The sinner thinks he exists for his own pleasure. Hearing of the wrath of an angry God that is against him causes him to believe that this report is untrue or that God is irrational because as far as he’s concerned, he’s basically a good person. However, through a careful examination of the law, every mouth is stopped, all the world becomes guilty before God because the knowledge of our sin has been brought to light. The law is a schoolmaster to bring us to Christ. If we humble ourselves and repent, God is merciful to us and perfectly just in forgiving us because Christ was wounded for our transgressions, he bore our iniquities, he who knew no sin was made sin for us that we might be made the righteousness of God in him, and therefore God is the justifier of him that believes on Jesus.

    The justified sinner now has the option of believing that God too exists for their pleasure. After all, God just revealed to them a major personal problem and offered a complete solution free of charge: a Personal Savior. Therefore the distinction between the sinner and this justified sinner is that the one remains in pride of heart and denial, while the other has humbly accepted “the cure.” The latter is now free to be happy in this life and the life to come. The purpose for all of it is their happiness and pleasure. The primary distinction between these is the one’s expectation of happiness is temporal whereas the other’s is eternal.

    The Evangelical Humanist now believes that God is obliged to complete the fulfillment of their happiness by providing something that is missing: a spouse. They are convinced that God will provide because, “He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?”

    A soul that is born again of the will of God will see the Kingdom of God – not the Kingdom of the Justified Sinner. It is God’s kingdom and everything exists for his glory.

    We were not created for our pleasure, but we were created by him and for him, for his glory (Isa 43:7, Col 1:16). Through the preaching of the law, we are made aware of our transgression – our falling short of the glory of God. The unrighteous know God and yet glorify him not as God neither are thankful (Rom 1:20).

    “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me. I am the vine, ye [are] the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing. If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast [them] into the fire, and they are burned. If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you. Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples.”

    Our Father is glorified when we bear much fruit. How do we bear fruit? “Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.”

    The scripture tells us, “…ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power: In whom also ye are circumcised with the circumcision made without hands, in putting off the body of the sins of the flesh by the circumcision of Christ: Buried with him in baptism, wherein also ye are risen with [him] through the faith of the operation of God, who hath raised him from the dead. And you, being dead in your sins and the uncircumcision of your flesh, hath he quickened together with him, having forgiven you all trespasses…. If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.”

  4. Dating is fun and true God intends it to be PURE not in the word but in truth.We mess it up when we want to be selfish rather than self-controlled.
    I have been on this path of lies for sometime too and feel it can’t be helped, but Christ pronounced that He will never give us more than we can bear.Hence, sexual challenges in a dating relationship can be helped by both parties involved with Christ as the central focus.

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